Thursday, January 20, 2011
I recently read a friend's blog who was inspired to choose a word that would reflect the coming year. Her word was "hope". That word already sums up so much of what she has had to cling to and I'm sure this is just the beginning. In October she gave birth to a premature baby with Apple Peel Syndrome (a rare intestinal complication). Every day I eagerly await updates of little Josette's progress and see evidences, glimmers of hope in each word sent out, each day that progresses for her and her husband.
This word started my own quest to find a word to sum up what this year will most likely mean for me. The word that came to my mind was "deny". It seems that every day I am learning more and more of what it means to deny myself. Not just in the little things, although they are ever present as my young boys strive constantly for every ounce I have to give, but I have had to learn to deny myself in much bigger ways. I have had to deny the introvert inside of me that starts to cry out and threatens to shut down when I have pushed myself into what it believes is too much social interaction. I have already been called to deny my own comfort, my own desires, and sometimes even my own appetite. It is not easy. In fact it is probably one of the hardest things I have to do and yet as I read Luke with my boys in the morning and read the part that talks about our duty being to deny ourselves I am rebuked. For even the great efforts I seem to take in order to deny myself pale in comparison and I am led to start again, refocus and remember what I am to be doing. To deny all my instincts, all my wants, and serve.