Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I Am Who I Am

For those of you out there who know me you know that I LOVE music. In fact there is probably not a moment of the day when I don't have something playing in the background whether it's Pandora, a CD, or the radio. Last night I was mopping and listening to a CD I had just burned (no, I do not have an IPOD yet.. however, it is forever on my wish list and one of these days...sigh) .

Anyway, back to the burned CD...”I am who I am” by Ben's Brother (and no that's not my husband's brother, it's the actual name of the group) was playing and I found myself becoming completely wrapped up in the lyrics.

The song starts out

No I don't mind if you think I should grow my hair
And no I don't mind if you pick out the clothes I wear”

He goes on....

Why when you dream do you see me as something I'm not?
Why don't you wake up and see all the good things you've got?

A heart isn't made out of clay
Not something you shape with your hands

Is the reason you ask me to change so that you'll stay the same?
Well I'm sorry if I keep disappointing you again and again”

His answer to all this...

“I am who I am, and you can't change me
I've done what I can, now I'll stand my ground
You're tying my hands if you re-arrange me
It all falls down,”

I sank deeply into his words as I realized how true it is that we as woman are so guilty of this. Of course we've all run into our fair share of weak men who are much more willing and desirous that a woman come along and tell him what to do or think but that is definitely not what we want! So why is it that we have ideas of what we want and we want to mold those ideas into someone else? We smile and say that we love someone exactly the way they are but then we proceed to try to change that person into the person that we really want. The one we created in our mind that doesn't really exist. So in the end we end up destroying that image and the person that we've tried to smash into it.

Of course a song is much more powerful if combined with the music so I'm not sure just reading the lyrics does it justice, but the point remains.

Final note: I know nothing more about Ben's Brother or the other songs that he has so if you check him out further and find that all of his other songs belong in some elevator please don't put me in that box.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Interesting lyrics! "A heart isn't made out of clay" reminded me of this passage: "But now, O LORD, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our potter; and all of us are the work of Your hand." - Is. 64:8
In a sense, our hearts are made out of clay, but a kind of clay only God can mold. Anyone else who would attempt such a thing has to step into the place of God. The amazing thing is, if we demand it, God is "humble" enough to let us step into His place for a while, and watch us make a mess of things.
As Christians, none of us are who we are (in the sense of these lyrics). We are being continually transformed. Change is the normal experience of life. A steady, though at times slow, growth into Christ likeness. However, that change is directed by God, not by others.
I went through a time where I tried to demand change from my spouse. It was awful, from the beginning to the end. Awful because I was discontent, and that brings with it 100% guaranteed unhappiness. Awful because my spouse felt crushed under my demands. Awful because it created conflict between us. Awful because it blinded me to the amazing qualities of that person right there in front of me. Awful because no amount of change really satisfied what my heart was thirsting for.
On the other hand, my spouse has had to endure change for the worse in me. I inflicted quite a bit of pain. I could see the agony, and my spouse confronted me in a loving way. Even so, when I refused to listen, it was the uninterrupted love that weighed on me the most. How could I do this to someone who is so good to me? In the end, God stepped in and intervened on my spouse's behalf. I was turned, my soul broken and my ego severely wounded.
God notices a submissive soul.